21 CONFESSIONS OF A GIRL WHO DOES NOT HAVE HER SHIT TOGETHER
Lol help me
Be honest, have you ever looked at my Instagram feed and thought that everything in my life was perfect?
Do you find yourself looking at other people’s accounts online and wished you had what they had, looked how they looked and found yourself falling into the comparison trap the longer you scroll through your Instagram feed?
As someone who uses Instagram as a creative outlet and a business, of course my feed is very curated. The colours in each photo are planned, the outfits, my ‘product’ to ‘pic of me’ ratio is always calculated and for me this is creative thing (I’m truly a blogger at heart!), but I often can’t help but worry that people might think my life is apricot shades & positive captions 100% of the time, because that couldn’t be further from the truth.
I mentioned in my recent vlog that I’ve been in a little bit of a rut recently, I’ve been eating crap, neglecting the gym, leaving all of my work to the second half of the day and in turn this has all resulted in some major anxiety and self loathe. I finally feel like I’m at a place where I want to change, but for now I thought I’d humour you with some of the thoughts that have been going through my head during the past month or so.
This is REAL LIFE.
- I just realised this is my third takeaway dinner this week but I’m already in the long ass que at KFC drive through and there’s no turning back now
- Says I’m going to go easy on the drink this weekend so I can get some work done on Sunday.. finishes at least a bottle of wine and spends all of Sunday in bed, un-showered, wanting more KFC and definitely not getting that work done
- Gets upset with boyfriend for not being able to read my mind
- I signed up to the gym a month and a half ago, I’ve been once. Nice.
- Constant struggle between “fuck what the media says my body should look like” and “Jesus my thighs look a lot bigger than they did last summer”
- Takes 80 shots to get one pic for Instagram, prefers a shot in the first 10 takes
- I feel anxious AF so I’m just going to go and squeeze anything on my face that remotely looks squeezable
- Upset for 10 days while red bumps that could have totally been avoided try to heal
- Insecure about skin AND body, realises both are my own fault
- Overanalyses work email that doesn’t have any smiley faces, or x’s #millennial
- Forgets to take dog for a walk and feels like the most selfish, evil person on the planet
- Remembers every mistake I’ve ever made in my entire life and dwells on how incompetent I think I am, daily
- Uses any excuse to blow money on food or materialistic item instead of saving it
- Buys a book, says “I’m getting back into my reading” and then doesn’t touch said book for 4 months
- Feeling like shit for never saving any money and realising materialistic things don’t make you happy
- Marking my monthly period induced mental breakdown complete with tears and supportive boyfriend who doesn’t deserve my period tears
- Remembering I haven’t seen my friends in over a month because adulting is too hard to juggle
- Feeling perplexed because why do boyfriends always keep in touch with their friends better, why do girls always spend more time with their boyfriends friends???
- Comparing myself to every single person I see on Instagram
- Forever booking #YOLO flights with money I don’t have
- Ultimately being my own worst enemy. Chanting “I don’t work hard enough, I’m not creative enough, I’m not pretty enough, I’m not skinny enough, I’m not smart enough” in my head like a vicious cycle
And that last one definitely shows I need to take my own advice!
So there you have it folks, this is the stuff I am constantly battling behind the curated IG feed. I try to keep it real on stories because I do really love my curated content for creativity, but mainly I just want you all to know that no matter who you are comparing yourself to on social media, they have their shit going on too.
I can absolutely guarantee it!
Love you all 🙂 Ash xx