It’s story time today because this past week, I woke up.
Let me explain. I’m not perfect, my life is not perfect, but each and every day that I am so lucky to experience in this life, I am teaching myself to understand that my life is imperfectly perfect, and that it’s my perception and my attitude that determines the way in which I choose to experience my beautiful, imperfect life.
Today’s post is a little bit more serious, and kiiiind of spiritual, but I want you all to continue without caution, and with an open mind.
As most of you know, and as a lot of people do, I have always struggled with anxiety. I still remember when I was ten years old after the horrific Boxing Day Tsunami in Thailand, I was pretty much convinced that New Zealand was next, and that we were all doomed, (heavy for a ten year old, right?). The London Underground bombings were also around this time period so it was nightmare after nightmare where little ten year old me was running around searching for my parents like I was lost in a supermarket because the country was being bombed or a Tsunami was seconds away from hitting the shores of Bucklands Beach! Poor little sausage.
I was one seriously anxious child, and this developed into my teenage years. I’ve always been a sociable, confident person and I never had an issue with friends or boys, but the second some sort of conflict would arise with a friend, or a boyfriend at the time would begin acting distant or weird towards me, my anxiety would completely swallow me up and spit me out. I would worry until I felt physically sick, developing unhealthy habits such as waking up on the hour through the night to check on MSN if *insert boy I ‘loved’ at age 15* was online because I was so wound up over his distance! The things I would do to go back in time and reassure myself that everything was going to be okay! Lol!
My mum is the kind of lady who quite literally does not give a fuuuuck. She is AMAZING and I have always admired her for being the kind of person who doesn’t worry or sweat the small stuff, all though I’m sure a lot of that does come with age and maturity. She would be constantly telling me not to worry about things, but worry was my number one most used emotion, almost in a way that became addictive.
Naturally, this worry brought a lot of negativity into my life. Not necessarily in a way where bad things would happen to me, but more in a wellbeing and mental state, kinda way. I felt like a negative person, I always expected bad things to happen, I would bitch about people and feel like shit about it, I truly felt like a tumble weed that rolled around, collecting dust of negativity. It was SO unhealthy.
I was never aware of any of this until maybe at age 19. I went through a breakup which taught me more about myself than anything else had in my life which I will forever be grateful for. I’m mostly grateful for the self reflection it forced me into which honestly was exactly what I needed after so, so, sooo many years of irrational worry and stress over silly things.
Fast forward to age 20 and a half. Months of self reflection, bettering myself and developing my independence and confidence turned me into the best version of myself. I had left my teen years feeling proud of who I was, and confident that I was a good person, a great friend, and most importantly, not sweating the small stuff (as much!).
From here on, my attitude and perception of life naturally shifted. I was constantly looking after my happiness, I refused to worry about things I couldn’t control, I started the blog and fell in love with photography, re-fell in love with writing, and worked hard with a constantly positive state of mind which of course, led to more success and happiness!
I met my wonderful boyfriend, who nearly two years later is the most incredible person I’ve ever known and I truly believe part of the success of our relationship comes down to how happy I am on the inside and how I choose to not let worries get to me anymore. I learnt that relationships are only successful when you love yourself first, and this is the first relationship that I have ever felt truly, one hundred percent secure and happy, all because of that shift in thought process and my new ability to fight of my worries and anxieties.
To 21 and happy as Larry, I finished my final year of University with (mostly) straight A’s, because I chose to stop thinking that every time I started an assignment, that it was going to be crap and that I’d get a terrible mark. This attitude lead me to tackling my assignments positively, which of course lead to better work being produced.
I graduated, and everyone started thinking about what kind of job they wanted. I knew, deep in my soul that all I wanted to do was exactly THIS. I wanted to share things with you guys! I wanted to tell you which foundation is great, and which moisturiser will break you out because I do NOT want you to spend $80 on that shitty moisturiser. I wanted to express my creativity, and experiment with fashion in a way what inspires all of us to purchase something different and fun next time we go shopping.
I wanted to tell you about how my life changed after I spent 18 months of the single life reflecting and bettering myself, and then how I am now able to do that full time because I believed that more of you would care about what I had to write and that the brands I loved would give me opportunities that meant I could do this full time.
It’s what I WANTED. Which brings me to my next revelation.
THE LAW OF ATTRACTION AND MANIFESTATION, IS REAL.
It’s SO real. How my life has turned around after those 18 months of self reflection is actually insane. I have never known to be as happy as I have been and I honestly, whole heartedly believe it comes down to these two things:
1. Choosing to be happy and living life with a positive intention
2. Believing that I am going to get the things that I want in this life
You have probably heard of a documentary and book called The Secret which discusses the law of attraction, and how you can use it to get what you want. I know it sounds a little bit crazy and kookoo (lol), BUT once you read into it, binge on some podcasts and try it out for yourself, I can guarantee you that your life will change!
I sure as hell didn’t fall into my dream relationship, dream profession and dream LIFE by being negative and unhappy, which I know first hand can be an easy way to live. It happened because even when unfavourable things happened, and bad moods overflowed I have done my very best to CHOOSE TO SHIFT my mind into HAPPINESS. Of course, I also worked hard which is the other factor, but I believe I am currently living in a vibration where good things are happening to me, and they will continue to do so, because I choose so, and I know so.
I’m so proud of myself for acknowledging the bad mind set I used to feel trapped in, and for allowing my ego to learn a new way to live.
There is SO much I want to go into on the blog about the law of attraction which I will share as I experience my own journey this year, but if you’re interested in finding out more I urge you to listen to my favourite Podcaster that absolutely nails the topic and has inspired me so much over the past week! Check out The Lively Show and look for all of her episodes that include the law of attraction.
GUYS, THIS WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
Now go and listen to that podcast!
Lots of love, Ash x
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