Lifestyle

WHY YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY BEING SINGLE.. OR IN A RELATIONSHIP

OKAY, LET’S TALK RELATIONSHIPS.

There’s something about being in your early twenties that is not only smack-in-the-face obvious, but is just so relevant that it kind of almost defines our little age bracket, according to myself who has analysed the crap out of this subject, anyway!

This so called (early twenties age bracket) involves a mixture of the ones who are starting to or are en route to getting engaged, are breaking up from 4 year long relationships because they just realised that they didn’t even know what being an adult was like without their 17 year old first love and are now panicking because “I FORGOT HOW TO FLIRT!”, those who still are yet to find someone worth their time and live in ‘never had a boyfriend’ land (totally fine, btw) and those who have experienced a couple of short term relationships as well as the spice that is being twenty two years old and single AF.

It’s a rollercoaster. Boredom, loneliness, contentment, lust, heartbreak, happiness, disappointment on repeat until you eventually find your dream love/best friend/forever partner/ideal human you’ll allow into your special comfort zone and who will love you for eternity, always give you back tickles and bring home Ben & Jerry’s when you’ve had a bloody stressful day (yes, can confirm they do exist!).

There’s just SO much to say about the differences between being single or in a relationship that people love to dwell on and I feel like there appears to be this weird, annoying stigma around the idea that being single sucks and being in a relationship is awesome that I just do not agree with.

Let’s put it into perspective.

I’ve been miserable in past relationships and ten times happier being single, but I am also now in a relationship where I am equally as happy as I was when I was single, just in a slightly different way. I think it totally varies, but my main point that I want to chit chat about today is mostly around the fact that you can be happy whether your single, or in a relationship and ultimately, it all boils down to being happy within yourself, and making decisions for yourself that maintain your inner happiness.

Woah, that got deep.

I’ve also been unapologetically miserable while being single with a shitty attitude and (clearly) a LOT of work to do on my own personal character development in order to blossom into the happiest wee pumpkin I currently am now. It’s all about shifting your attitude, looking at the positives, finding REAL inner happiness and letting the universe take its course and steer you into the direction that you’re supposed to go!

While I was stuck in this bottomless pit of resentment and negativity, I really wish I had of read something that goes a little bit like this…

Advice I would give to my single self and why being single should be embraced in your twenties

  • This is your time to be selfish. Don’t wanna go to that Friday night BBQ because you’re feeling antisocial AF and would rather eat wicked wings and start Grey’s Anatomy again from season one? DO IT GIRLFRIEND! Ain’t no bae going to stop you from that, plus nobody else will know that you’re in bed with fried chicken 😉
  • You get to work on growing incredibly important traits such as independence, self worth and confidence which will end up being a key factor as to why your next relationship works so well. I am truly convinced that part of the reason why my past relationships didn’t work is because I was insecure, lacked independence and couldn’t see my total worth (possibly an age thing, that shit is hard to grasp at 17!). Not only are these traits super attractive, but they will also make you feel super relaxed and secure in any relationship plus it’ll turn you into a waaaayyyy more epic human being!
  • You’re currently one step further to finding the relationship that you had always dreamed of since lusting over Arial & Eric at age six. Wasting time in a mediocre relationship puts you a few steps behind, so reminding yourself that being single is so much better than being in a shitty relationship because the door is already open for Eric to (or swim!) walk in. Remember, you’re a sexy mermaid TOO and you deserve to find your Eric!
  • Time to reflect on what you don’t want in a relationship. You have the time to think about your past relationships in a calm way where you can identify all of the things that didn’t make you happy and that you’ll be looking for in the next person
  • I personally believe that you can totally nourish your friendships when you’re both single and in a relationship. I hate that idea around losing your friends once you get into a relationship because it’s totally not true if you are capable of creating a balanced life for yourself. HOWEVER, in saying that, there’s no better time in your life to drink too much Pinot Gris with the gals every Friday and dance to Britney Spears like nobodies business!

Why being in a healthy, happy, special relationship is awesome too

  • Before I say anything else, I really want to quickly mention something that I see all the time that really REALLY annoys me: people hating on relationships because they’re jealous of them. If your friend or even just someone you follow on Instagram is in a happy, healthy, love filled relationship that brings them insane amounts of joy, why the hell would you talk crap about it? I know why, it’s because you’re jealous. Even when I was at my most miserable in the single life, I still cheered for my friends in their relationships and loved making an effort with and spending time with their significant others, because I loved that they were happy.
  • As I just mentioned, being single, or actually, ANY relationship status is ten times better than being in either a mediocre relationship (boring, bad sex, never really overly enthusiastic about one another), or a generally shitty relationship that makes you feel like crap about yourself. So many people forget this and it’s one of the most frustrating things to watch! Being in a relationship that makes you feel alive is so bloody special and every single person is completely deserving of it. You should feel excited to see them and talk to them every day even after years of being together, feel happy and good about yourself when you’re together, have very minimal disagreements and arguments (all though a bit of this is a good thing! another post for another time..). You should always feel loved by your significant other and ten hundred percent secure and happy, all though also mentioned above, that part is pretty much your choice.
  • When you’ve found someone who has helped to create this awesome relationship with this awesome person (you!), there are so so sooooo many incredible benefits and reasons why being in a healthy, soul nurturing relationship will add so much unexplainable happiness to your life.
  • If you’re doing it right, you’ve got a best friend by your side on the daily! Receiving random, lovely encouraging texts every day while my boyfriend is at work makes me feel ALL types of warm fuzzies and I know it’s not just because he loves me in a romantic way, but also in a friend way. When your partner loves you in a friendship way underneath all the romance, you’ll find that they are so much more caring, considerate and loving towards you on the daily which is something I absolutely love about being in a relationship.
  • There’s always someone around who is cheering you on. Had a crappy day at work? You may not be seeing your girlfriends that week so when you have a loving, supportive partner around all the time, there’s pretty much always someone there to cheer you up and cheer you on. Having someone around on the daily to remind you how much of a rockstar you are is pretty amazing, espesh on those days where you aren’t feeling so ‘rock ‘n’ roll’.
  • Plus all the other obvious ones: someone to laugh with, watch netflix with, go on last minute adventures and activities with and generally share your thoughts with are some of the reasons I value having a healthy relationship in my life! I absolutely love sharing my life with someone who cares about me as much as I care about them (mushy, I know, but it’s so GREAT).

Anyway, I probably went on a bit of a tangent there but you get my gist. I want to encourage you all to appreciate whatever end of the love life spectrum you’re in and do everything you can to put the ultimate focus on your inner happiness. We are all so deserving of unexplainable, beautifully pure happiness and it hurts me deeply to know that so many of us out there are manoeuvring the world of dates, relationships and single life in a way that’s unproductive and negative (here’s your sign to ditch the asshole that’s making you upset right now).

Underneath it all, I hope each and every one of you reading this right now is happy within yourselves. You are worth it!

Lots of love

Ash x